February 6, 2011

A whale can generate enough semen to fill an Olympic sized swimming pool for every pool on Earth… ever

Earlier this week on my commute, I heard a story on the radio discussing the possibility of phasing the penny out from US currency. This debate comes about based on the fact that the penny now costs more to produce than its market value.

Aside from the monetary policy concerns, the story attempted to raise the stakes of this calamity by engaging the listener, me, to comprehend the massive amount wasteful pennies in use. The statement used to relay this was, “if you laid all the pennies in circulation side by side, it would circle the equator twice.” I don’t recall if it was twice or three times, but the fact that I don’t remember is where my point lies.

Whether I haven’t done enough traveling, or I didn’t pay close enough attention in my geography class, or I can only understand size by relating it to my penis, how many times anything can circle the earth is not only un-helpful but destructive in generating other moronic scales that fail to impart a better understanding.

A few examples are; it can travel to the moon and back twice, it could fill the grand canyon 10x, it has half the amount of water as the Pacific Ocean and it would weigh twice the amount of all of the iron on the planet.Provide me with a scale I can understand, perhaps the size of my house, or the length of my car, or the height of a basketball hoop. Unless I pull a Caine, a la Kung Fu and decide to traverse the earth on foot, I have no f’ing clue, in real terms, the size of the equator.

In protest I will start referring to the size of all objects on this "equator" scale. Sir, would you like a 6 inch or footlong sub, make mine a 1/131,479,800th distance of the equator. Do you have these pants in a size that can circle the earth 1/26,295,960th times? I was just looking for my shoes when I found a 1/157,775,760th of the equator black studded dildo under my girlfriend's bed.

1 comment:

  1. I haven't crunched the numbers or anything, but I'm glad to see that the studded dildo is smaller than whatever you're eating.