February 24, 2011

The Left Side Of The Staircase

You know what grinds my gears? When there is a huge line of people walking up the right side of the staircase (in the USA) and someone decides to go up the left side. Listen fucker, I am quicker, faster, smarter--I'm just better than you in every way. Why am I going "slow"? Because there is a crowd.

But okay--maybe I am being unfair. I know me some economics. This is a risk/reward thing--you are taking the risk that someone will come down that left side of the stairs, and if you manage to avoid that, you win--you got up the stairs 7 seconds faster than I did. Nicely played--but I'll still silently pray that you slip and crack those two buck teeth.

But know this--no, really, you must listen to this. In the event that someone punks you and starts coming down the left side of the stairs, DO NOT try and insert yourself in front of me. Why do you think I would let you in front of me? You are no better than the bloody smegma from my "cut and play" sessions. I would rather insert my member into the anus of whatever penguin is slowly waddling up the stairs than let you in front of me.

And why am I being a jerk about this? Because without that there is no "risk" in the economic analysis. Being an asshole keeps the order. Why wouldn't everyone do that if there is no downside? Oh, because doing that would be a cunt move, you say? Exactly. And cunts deserve to get fucked by a wretched penis--me.

22 comments:

  1. I think I'm going to make that last paragraph my "About Me" on Facebook.

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  2. The same goes for letting someone into my lane when driving in heavy traffic when that someone has just driven a quarter mile in the shoulder or the center turning lane. Listen, bud: I will rear end the guy in front of me (or front end the guy in back of me) to prevent you from profiting from your opportunistic move. This really is about economics, and there is no risk without assholes.

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  3. Not tryin t be discriminating or anything but i always see women in the mall doin this the most and they always stop at the end bottom of the staircase to and just wait. i heard it has to do with how women cant multitask as good as men

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  4. @Mark: Women can't multitask?! I'm sorry but women have brans for such things. I haven't met a man who is able to even watch football and eat a chip at the same time. And what does that even have to do with waiting at the bottom of the staircase? You obviously don't have any women in your life.

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  5. LOL. "...haven't met a man who is able to even watch football and eat a chip at the same time."

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  6. @Mark: What does multitasking or waiting at the bottom of a staircase have to do with WALKING UP THE LEFT SIDE of the staircase? Considering all the typos in your comment, I bet you're the one who can't multitask.

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  7. In Estonia, we don't have staircases, or women.

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  8. Melissa you have a typo in your post so don't criticize me for having a typo. for your information i do have women in my life, i have mostly women friends so dont act like you know me when because you dont. how would i know about women on stairs if i didnt have women to hang out with? besides, the multitasking thing is about science, not about your opinion of your one husband. Here is a source, not just a made-up assumption: http://theweek.com/article/index/205156/are-women-really-better-at-multi-tasking.

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  9. Dude. I don't think you're getting it. Your point is irrelevant.

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  10. I ditto everything Mark said in his first comment after the word "but".

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  11. @Mark Thanks for acting like YOU know ME when you just assume that the chip thing is my opinion of my husband. It's none of your business how many husbands I've had and it's pointless arguing with you because its clear you don't get it. It's NOT about Science, I DIDN'T criticize you for a typo and why would you be friends with these women you are making fun of who are waiting at the bottom of the stairs or whatever you're pissed about.

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  12. I agree with anony mouse marks point is bloody irrelevant.

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  13. LOL!!!!! Mark is an idiot. This is the first sentence of the article that HE linked to.

    "It's official: Women really are better than men at juggling more than one task at once."

    Fucking classic.

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  14. Just because women are better than men at juggling does not mean they are better at multi-tasking. In fact, I'm listening to music, talking on the phone with my boss, eating a invoice boiled egg, and writing this all at once.

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  15. It's not about actual juggling. You'd know that if you weren't devoting all your attention to that invoice boiled egg.

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  16. It's about time I got a little attention, though.

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  17. Receipt Denver omeletteFebruary 25, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    ^ "Like"

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  18. I am cracking up at these egg comments.

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  19. Whatever dude. I think it's fucking annoying too when women just wait at the bottom of the stairs for nothing. I don't think it's discriminating. I think it's just the way women are.

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  20. @Sharlene: I'm not sure if that pun was intended, but either way, it's nice to see that you're finally coming out of your shell.

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  21. @Monkeying: It is discriminating, even if it is the way women are, which it isn't. Women actually don't walk on the left side of the stairs because doing so is risky (as the article explains), and women don't take risks.

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  22. @anonymous saying that women don't take risks is just as discriminating but I don't no whatever happened to that mark punk. I think he's been frightened off.

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