February 6, 2011

Women Don't Actually Like To Dance--They Just Like To Say They Like To Dance

I go out with these friends of mine from grade/high school--all female. They were all sub-5s (out of the 10.1 "repeating" scale).*

So, we start out with a lame-ish house party. It wasn't terrible. There were huge speakers stacked on top of each other blasting classics like: Informer by Snow; Enter the Sandman by Metallica; and, of course, Tubthumping by Chumba Wumba. Oh yes, it was dress up too. Many shortish men wearing suits bought from Ross:Dress for Less. One guy didn't have a shirt on--he did have a tie on his bare hairy chest. It wasn't real chest hair. It was the Asian mustache of chest hair.

I didn't dress up. Why? Because my $7,000 suit is too good for the riff raff. C'mon! But also because my female friends--a.k.a., women--wanted to go out dancing.

We get ourselves to this bar. It's already about 12:15. I figure we got ourselves like an hour and a half to break it down. And I can break it down. But, apparently, by "dancing" women mean that they want to go to the bar, take 30 minutes to order drinks, sip the drinks slowly from a straw, then--when some Kei$ha song comes on--pump their fists twice and do some awkward scuba/ass shake move. Dancing: check.

This was no dress-up, house party. The bar had some musical class. They played: What About Love? by Heart; This Is How We Do It by Montell Jordan; and even some Rick Astley. I was rick roll'd. My female friends were not.

In summation, women do not like to dance. Women like to say they like to/want to dance.

Too many people say "That girl was a 10." nowadays. She wasn't a 10. Shut up. If you weren't ejaculating upon the sight of her, she wasn't a 10. Even if you were, it doesn't count if you were that creepy guy who sits in libraries. And it doesn't count if you just have no control over your release. But this is a losing battle. So now I have developed the 10.1 "repeating" scale. Because no one says "10.1 'repeating.'" Somebody will say 10.1, or maybe 10.11, or maybe even a 10.111. And that just means she wasn't perfect.

1 comment:

  1. I give this story a 10.11 for the Ross reference and for observing that women aren't perfect.