Love means showing it at least one day out of the year

Valentine's Day stands unique among other holidays in its ability to elicit very different feelings by its celebrators. Example, single men often feel the same sense of joy taken women do. Inversely, taken men may feel similar feelings of hopelessness single women may encounter.

Once we got beyond elementary school where Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Valentine’s were exchanged in class and we all got to chip our teeth on dried plaster Sweethearts®, Valentine’s Day became a day riddled with pressure. The vast majority of men that have found themselves in a committed relationship on this abject day know that some level of romancing and genuine expressions of love is expected.

These expectations I partially blame on (the eternal scapegoat) the romantic chick flick. The amount of romantic sentiment displayed in such films as, The Notebook, Say Anything, Casablanca, Love Actually, Love Story, Sleepless in Seattle, The English Patient, Titanic, and my favorite Pretty Woman is impossible to replicate in the real world.

This type of gross romance may be obtained if you happen to catch yourself in 1940’s Morocco fighting the Nazis, the two of you are separated by a continent, one of you is going away to their dream college, you have just one more night together, I just painted a naked portrait of you with the hope diamond or one of you has an incurable disease. Now it’s not as if ladies are asking for romantic overtures all the time, but if there is any day they are expected, its Valentine’s Day.

Guys shouldn’t look at Valentine’s Day as their shot to show how much they care or to finally woo her into trying that thing you saw online last week. This day should be looked at as, “just don’t piss her off.” I see it as a group of campers out running a bear. You don’t need to be the first to get away; you just can’t be the last. Or the high school basketball star who needs the 2.0 gpa to earn his scholarship, just enough is good enough.

On a random day in August, you hit her with that elaborate wine tasting weekend in Napa at a bed and breakfast and it will have twice the effective romantic quotient than it would on Valentine’s Day. A surprise weighs more than meeting an expectation.

This year I’m in the group of single men that feel free of the pressure to “not piss her off.” For me, it will just be another weekend crying with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s in my sweats.

Yahoo! It's Valentine's Day

Yahoo! News recently published an article about the Top 10 Things NOT to Do on Valentine's Day. Romance pioneer that it is, Yahoo! News addresses all the preeminent V-Day concerns: "Dinner, chocolates, roses, and candelight dinners." But because I know that not everyone is into dinner and candlelight dinners, I provide a brief appraisal of some of Yahoo! News's top ten Valentine's Day gaffs.

• DON'T sit at home if you are single. This is the worst thing you can do on Valentine's Day if you are single.

Actually, I thought the worst thing I could do was break into the local orphanage and prick parentless children with my AIDS needle, but apparently, sitting at home alone and watching every twentieth Cheese Nip fall in between my couch cushions is worse.

• DON'T compare. So your girlfriend got two-dozen roses on Valentine's Day and all you got was a single stem. Don't get jealous.

This advice is moot. If all you got for Valentine’s Day was a single-stemmed rose, then your boyfriend is 15 and you can count on his mom to give you some great home-baked cookies after she picks the two of you up from the movie theatre.

• DON'T make excuses to avoid this holiday. Maybe you can’t afford to eat at a nice restaurant. So what! Be creative.

I disagree. If you can’t afford to eat at a nice restaurant, you don’t deserve to be in love. Or healthcare.

• DON'T make other plans. You have 364 days in the year to meet the guys for a beer or watch a football game. This whole day should be set aside for your significant other.

Honestly, I’d love for this statement to be true. I’d love to have “364 days in the year” to get drunk with my friends. Unfortunately, I don’t really get 364 days of freedom after subtracting our anniversary, her birthday, and the 40 hours a week I have to work to pay for the gym membership she never uses.

• DON'T be typical. Guys, don’t just do roses and dinner at an Italian restaurant. It’s been done a million times. Please be creative!

Girls, you know what’s “creative”? Blowjobs.

Internet Rundown: Valentine's Day Edition

Here's a cute collection of bad date stories. And you thought your dating life was pathetic. [Marie Claire]

T-Mobile is giving away all of its smartphones for free for Valentine's Day! Except not really. Fine print FTW. [CNET]

Single people rejoice as an annoyingly happy couple is stoned to death. [The Onion]

A twelve-year-old girl finds a naughty message on a candy heart. I guess some compliments are less flattering than others. [KCRA]

Still looking for that great gift to show your Valentine how much you love him? Try a bomb threat. [Newser]

Speaking of love, who doesn't love Austin? Seriously, if you click on only one link this week, make it this one. [City of Austin]