February 23, 2011

Menstrual Cycles + Hot Tub + Social Construction = ?

As conversations go, the cornerstone of any great friendly dialogue touches on politics, metaphysics, science, and female/male pubescent shame. I will not go into great detail as to the time and location of this conversation… but there was a hot tub involved.

The only reason I bring up the hot tub is its’ importance in allowing the soon to be discussed conversation to occur. A hot tub is small, you cannot meander to the bathroom to break a conversation, order a beer or take your shot at the pool table; you are always present. Another element is the lack of clothing. As a semi-adult, any long pauses in a conversation where you happen to be partially clothed always flips a switch in the male brain that maybe I should make a move, a sexy move.

A sexy move was not an option in this case due to reasons I can discuss at another venture. Needless to say, the conversation needed to have a few pauses so any possible topic flagged as inappropriate was fair game.

Tampons were the topic du jour and that progressed into the idea of women sharing the same domicile match their “cycle” to the most dominant female. Two females were present and offered great insight with little shame. I fear neither, tampons, periods or vaginas so I continued to probe….with questions. The females agreed that women tend to match their “visits” from “Aunt Flow” to whoever the dominant female is in the shared living space.

As a man, this came off to me as an elegant, advanced way of determining a pecking order. Men living in the same space don’t match up masturbation cycles or even farting order. Men have to rely on feats of physical strength, intelligence, or income level to understand who the alpha is and who the omega is. Even those determinants can be debated.

Maybe that is one reason why women may be less aggressive or competitive as men, nature will tell them who is more dominant regardless of who wins the wet t-shirt contest or receives the most drinks at the bar. Granted, bleeding once a month is a drag and tampons and other sanitary napkins aren’t’ free. While women enjoy their hot water bottles resting on their cramped tummies, eating frozen yogurt and watching Lifetime movies of the week absent the pressure of competition; I’m entering arm wrestling competitions, working 80 hours a week and convincing my roommates to sync up to my masturbation cycle.


  1. The equivalent for men is the haircut cycle. Lesser men will get haircuts at the same time as the dominant gents. Eventually, the lesser men will be in total follicle synchronization.

  2. I think I may have something to say to that.

  3. Isn't masturbation itself sort of an arm wrestling competition?